It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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