i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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