i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
