TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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