Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
did i just pee glitter
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
