I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
