1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
