Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
