Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
