i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
