They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
