i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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