This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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