I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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