butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
