im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
