he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
