I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just tell him i said nine months
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
