I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
