You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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