normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
