IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
