Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
