Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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