Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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