yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
