I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
