wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
