If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
