I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
