the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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