I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
