That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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