I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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