I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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