Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
