we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
