He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
