what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
