New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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