I'm so fucking centered right now
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
