My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The ass gains better be worth it
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