He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
