he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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