the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
