chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
