Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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