no you cant smoke seaweed
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
