the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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