I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
