I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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