im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
