meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
