Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
