Jerry, you need to find god
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
