i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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