Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
