I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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